Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
