I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
