Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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