Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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