Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
