he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
