You're my little dorito
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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