You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize