ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
