Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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