My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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