dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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