I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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