Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill

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  (270): She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill http://tfl.nu/d0h5
  Replies (16) Good night (711) Bad night (4537)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror

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  (515): I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror http://tfl.nu/xej5
  Replies (17) Good night (5175) Bad night (1249)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (4105) Bad night (1347)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.

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  (540): I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them. http://tfl.nu/t9kz
  Replies (6) Good night (1237) Bad night (2849)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.

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  (717): do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important. http://tfl.nu/a970
  Replies (7) Good night (4197) Bad night (852)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

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  (419): apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty" http://tfl.nu/fxst
  Replies (4) Good night (2582) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.

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  (916): Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours. http://tfl.nu/ckbp
  Replies (10) Good night (1875) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka

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  (281): you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka http://tfl.nu/l68b
  Replies (4) Good night (1519) Bad night (1120)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND

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  (215): OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND http://tfl.nu/fivf
  Replies (23) Good night (1825) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.

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  (515): Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind. http://tfl.nu/1wyd
  Replies (9) Good night (1742) Bad night (548)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.

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  (850): You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster. http://tfl.nu/k8oo
  Replies (2) Good night (1350) Bad night (351)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...

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  (508): You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes... http://tfl.nu/do6f
  Replies (1) Good night (844) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny

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  (919): You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny http://tfl.nu/d0i4
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.

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  (206): He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me. http://tfl.nu/fq3w
  Replies (13) Good night (483) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment

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  (817): I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment http://tfl.nu/ub19
  Replies (4) Good night (752) Bad night (251)

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