Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...