remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.