Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.