alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dicks are not precious.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
