also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.