Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
