I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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