I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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