I just cut my nipple shaving
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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