How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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