sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
