i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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