You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
