did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
