So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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