I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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