Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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