You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
