In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
