Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
