He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
