you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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