evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
