I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
