oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
