I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What drink are we having for lunch?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
