I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize