those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
