Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
