when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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