Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
