so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
