You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
