You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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