Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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