i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
