u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
