i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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