Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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