I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
