I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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