Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
