hotel room ftw
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
