we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
