I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
