found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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