I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
