Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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