Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
