and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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