She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have fence marks all over my body
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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