Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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