jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
