My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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